As many of you know, I haven’t been painting much in the last year or so. Pretty much, not at all.
It doesn’t mean I haven’t been creative, I have! Much of my creative energy has been poured into many ways of nurturing in newer and deeper ways. It’s what has been calling to me. And it seemed important.
But I haven’t been painting.
It hasn’t been calling me, yet I am missing it like a dear old friend that the pandemic took and hasn’t released back to me, yet. Guess there are no “shots” for my painting muse!
Much like this old friend, I have seen glimpses of my muse. Spiritual zoom calls, with a lot of technical difficulties, one might say!
But, of late, I have felt her closer. Like she’s inching back, but I don’t dare looking her directly in the eye, for fear of her bolting again. She seems quite nervous and skiddish!
Some of it has to do with expectations. The expectation that once she’s back we’ll just recognize each other again, fall into each other’s arms and do our merry dance. Back to normal at last!
Thing is … there is no “normal” anymore. The old has long since left. And we’ve sort of been in a holding pattern to start the new. Whatever that may be.
I am not the same as I was pre-pandemic, and I suspect my muse may not be either.
Sometimes, I saw her there, flitting around just at the periphery of my pandemic life. And I would get excited. Maybe I would/could start painting again?!
And then she’d be gone again.
Now, I just sit and hold space. I busy myself with other things when my muse can’t seem to stand the attention and scrutiny.
I invite her in, but I’m also open to the possibility that she will leave again. Neither of us know this new normal we are working out.
So, I can’t tell you “I’m back!” just yet.
All I can tell you, is, that for the last few days, I painted.
Work in progress:
leave a comment